Depression

I have to be honest right now. The reason my posts have been so sporadic lately is that I have been going through some depression. It sucks. It's overwhelming some days.

I feel flat. I feel like I can't truly enjoy things. Life is bleak and miserable.

I have been able, so far, to trudge through it and force myself to go on, and not give up. But it's hard.

I have been going to work every day. I have been keeping and sticking to my plans.

It feels like I am having an argument with myself inside my own mind. One part of me knows that the right thing to do is to keep fighting against the depression. The other part of me just wants to give up, to succumb to the depression. Right now the fighter in me is winning.

I hate this illness. At least, though, I know that this is my illness. This despair and darkness is caused by a chemical imbalance, not by reality. The world is not really this bleak, it only looks that way because of my illness. But that doesn't stop me from feeling it. It only helps to lessen the symptoms of this depression.

So I'm sorry. I have been acting more withdrawn, less active, less motivated. My blog entries have been sparse. This will get better, and I will win yet another battle against my disease.