Pills

Uggghhh. I hate meds sometimes. They work, and I know that when I am unmedicated I am unable to function. But it gets so frustrating.

I am trying to decide right now how to tell what is a symptom and what is a side effect. I have felt flat and numbed for the past few weeks. Is it that I am depressed? Or is it that my meds are doing this to me? I'm not sure. The same goes for some of the anxiety and agitation I sometimes experience. It's frustrating.

I also have been looking for something to add to or replace my antipsychotic. It knocks me out, so I can only take it at night. But I can feel its effects fading and waning throughout the day, and feel less in control by the evening. Adding a small booster in the afternoon helps, but now I am taking naps all the time and feel tired all evening. I found an extended release medication that isn't supposed to have as much of a sedative effect, and is almost the same drug. I will be asking about it at my next appointment.

Then there's the dry mouth. Oh God. I can't take it sometimes. Drinking water doesn't really help. It makes it better for a couple minutes, maybe. I spend all day filling my bladder to try to relieve some of the dryness, so then the bathroom becomes a revolving door.

I am still having some mild symptoms, and am currently debating whether or not to ask my doctor to up any meds, because I already worry about their side effects.

Is the goal of this to END my symptoms, or just to make them tolerable? Right now, I'm at the point where they are tolerable 95% of the time, and I'm feeling stable. But do I ask for enough to make the symptoms of away for right now? And, if I do, how long will they be gone?

Meds are a pain in the ass. It feels like I take mountains of meds every day, but things still aren't perfect. Should they be? Am I expecting too much? Am I expecting to little?

I feel flat and numb right now. I'm hoping this passes. I'm hoping that this isn't my new normal. I'm hoping this a symptom, not a side effect.