Out of focus

Frustrated right now. My schizoaffective symptoms are well managed, after a few minor adjustments to how and when I take my meds. I feel stable, I feel good, I feel normal. I am functioning at 99% as far as those symptoms go.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same thing about my ADHD symptoms.

We recently tried adjusting the dosage of the stimulant I use, because I was experiencing a "crash" when it abruptly stopped working in the late afternoon. The lower dose makes the crash more tolerable, but does almost nothing for my focus and attention.

I have been doing a lot of reading and chatting in ADHD forums, and I came across a med I want to ask my doctor about at my next appointment. It lasts longer, it tapers off instead of the abrupt stop of my current med, and it is supposed to also improve mood and boost motivation. So the lingering depression I am experiencing could also be affected.

This lack of focus and the lingering depression, combined with the lessened motivation, means I am getting a lot less done. My blog entries are sporadic, my energy and motivation at home and at work are diminished, and I just feel less productive in general.

My other symptoms though are much improved. Last week I was still having some issues, almost always in the afternoon. We changed one of my meds a tiny bit. I take the same dose, but instead of taking it all at once, I take half in the morning and half at night. It seems to be keeping me more stable all day long.

I was taking the entire dose at night before, because when I took the whole dose in the morning, it left me feeling exhausted. Taking it at night though, had me feeling it fade the next afternoon. Taking it twice a day leveled me out, it seems.

There is also an extended release form of this med that is an option if this doesn't work as well as we hope, on the off chance that this lessening of symptoms is temporary.

I have been taking a very proactive approach the past few weeks when it comes to my medications and my treatment. I have decided that I want to be able to explain what I don't like about treatment and offer alternatives. I want to be educated about the options out there.

I'm feeling good. I wish I had more focus, but other than that, I feel really good. I'm optimistic that this will last a while. I have accepted that this probably won't be permanent, that the future may bring more adjustments, more changes. But I'm okay with that. I'm feeling good.